Tuesday, June 26, 2007

The Rule of Slaw 

In keeping with the oh-so-helpful nature of my previous post, I present our next lesson for the day, courtesy of the staff cafeteria.

Dear Mayo Cafe,

I realize that you are just a food service-owned cafeteria, and may not know that there is an irrefutable law of cooking which cannot be broken. Despite your heinous crime in regards to the Grill Special™ today, I am willing to overlook this error, as long as you adhere to my tutelage.


+ = cole slaw

Now, the sauce itself doesn't so much matter, as long as it contains some kind of oil, some kind of vinegar, and some kind of -naise. So, we will regard the sauce as a stand-in. Note that it is the sauce, not the cabbage, that is exchangeable.

Observe again:

+ ¹ coleslaw

+ ¹ coleslaw

+ ¹ coleslaw

+ ¹ coleslaw

+ ¹ coleslaw

And, finally, please note that this is also true...

+ ¹ coleslaw

In summary: Just because something is green and paired with slaw sauce, that doesn't make it cole slaw.


Warning: Despite my assertions, Mr. Winkle may, in a future calendar, try to tell you that he is in fact Cole Slaw. Do not believe him.

Warning #2: Despite my assertions, Mohinder Suresh may, in a future episode, try to tell you that he is in fact not green. Do not believe him.


Monday, June 18, 2007

Gross Gardening Guide 

So I had a little revelation when I was gardening yesterday that will help illustrate a previous entry and add to the literature online immensely. Ok, now that we've got the snooty lead-in, we can get to the gross story.

We're in my parents' garden, and something smells terrible in front of the porch. We all say, "Smells like death!" Then I say, "Actually, I bet you just have a stinkhorn. I'll look around." Search...search...search... I'm looking for a little red streak hiding in the mulch. A few minutes later, I'm on the porch looking from the other side and, lo and behold, there are some little paws attached to a slighty snacked-upon squirrel (no thank you, neighbor cats!).

The fact is, it really did smell exactly like an octopus stinkhorn. And so, I have a smellerific identification guide, just for you, so that now when you step out the front door in the morning, looking forward to a good day, and get knocked flat by your own garden, you'll know what plant to yank up viciously and thank for ruining your day.


Ravenel's Stinkhorn = Organic ammonia. In other words, it doesn't smell exactly like ammonia in a bottle, but if you can think of organic things that are ammonia-like (chemical bases), it's like that.

Octopus Stinkhorn, aka "Dead Man's Fingers" = Dead squirrel.

See how simple? Of course, the latter could also be a rotting philodendron seed pod, which is also incredibly gross, or...it might just be a dead squirrel. Either way, don't leave it in your garden. Or mine. This means you, cats!

/end public service announcement


Saturday, June 16, 2007


I know you've all been seething with rapt anticipation* waiting for the new Get Fuzzy collection book, and here it is:

LoserPalooza, just out for $13 bucks. You too can own Get Fuzzy comics without having to rely on my capricious single-cell choices! Woo!

*My favorite phrase from the "Movies" episode of "Hey Vern It's Me!" Seriously, that show was hysterical. The lack of DVD copies out there is a real travesty. Here, visit the theme song--it will make you smile :)


Thursday, June 14, 2007

Mayo in Bloom 

The sago palms around the office are "blooming" and the new growth always has such interesting textures. Velvety, in the middle of prickly green and thorns. Here are some of the best shots...

Male Sago Palm

Female Sago Palm

Sago Palm Leaf


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