SarahPhrase

New York via Phonecam

2008-01-07T19:46:00.001-05:00

New York via Phonecam
Originally uploaded by sdpalladio.

Wasting Time in Lieu of Christmas Cards

2007-12-19T16:09:00.000-05:00

CSI: Christmas Morning

2007-12-05T12:20:00.000-05:00

I am just now emerging from a week-long haze of Christmas ideas/creation/purchasing/bills, etc., including a long weekend in Orlando with my brother where we hit the Millennia Mall 3 times, Waterford Lakes 2 times, and the new IKEA, which, because it only opened a couple of weeks ago, involves shopping with approximately the entire population of Europe. There should totally be an oasis in every corner, because between the 3 million square feet, cloth fibers, and dry warehouse air, I was in a state of near delerium by the time I hit the bottom floor where you buy everything. Which may be by design, I'm not sure.

As I wandered through the Nouveau Scary Large Candy World of Lights Scents Music Christmasland, two memories from holidays past occurred to me:

1. "That's not from Santa!" - My parents were very religious when I was little, so we did not believe in Santa. Sure, they told me about Santa, and I knew all the stories and carols and whatnot, but I knew who my presents came from. My grandparents compromised by making some tags from "Grandma and Grandpa," some from "Baby Jesus," and some from "Santa and Rudolph."

I remember one Christmas very clearly where all the grandchildren sat near the tree, tearing through the gifts, where my older cousin said to me, "Look what Santa gave me!" I, being all of probably 5 or 6, pulled the name tag off her gift, held it next to mine, and busted out with the handwriting comparison. "Aimee, THAT's not from Santa. It's Grandma. Her handwriting is exactly the same! Look at the t's! Look at the a's! It's the same pen!!!" If I'd had a chemistry set, God only knows what I would have done to prove it.

I finally realized this weekend, regardless of what I'd been told, I was clearly too much of a nerd to believe there was a Santa, even then. Honestly, I thought Grandma was just being ironic, and cleverly so. It never occurred to me they were trying to fool anyone. Because, by George, the handwriting was the SAME. *puts on black shades*

2. Child of the 80s Flashback - Who else played with Strawberry Shortcake dolls? They all had cute little girl outfits and pets and were scented. My favorite one was Lime Chiffon because she smelled the best, like vanilla and citrus. I'm not really sure how we all looked, snorting our dolls and whatnot, but I loved that smell. (I'm sure they'll eventually reveal they are lead-based.)

While shopping for stocking stuffers this weekend, I went into Yankee Candle and was smelling down the wall of votives when my eyes went wide and I grabbed my brother's arm. "OHMYGOD!!! Smell this! This is so familiar!! WHAT. IS. IT?!....... IT'S LIME CHIFFON DOLL!"

He, of course, backed away from the lunacy and took my word for it (they didn't sell scented Legos, I guess), while I purchased a Vanilla Lime votive immediately so that I can continue my doll-sniffing in an adult fashion--by making my whole apartment smell like one.

=

Book Club Smack Talk

2007-11-30T15:31:00.001-05:00

I went shopping on Cafe Press for funny book club magnets to give out for Christmas, and they just weren't that great. Apparently librarian humor prevails, which, you know, is just not the same. I felt compelled to make my own.

Voila

My book club can beat up your book club. Seriously. Right after dessert.

Bread-Warmers Up and Running

2007-11-19T16:28:00.000-05:00

A while back, Mom (aka my business partner) and I decided to pare down our gift business, Wrapstars.com, to our best selling items: bread warmers. It took over a year to really commit to it, since we still had so much other merchandise, but finally we settled on putting it all on clearance and building a new home page.

Unfortunately, site squatters got to the big site names before us, but we nailed down bread-warmers.com and worked out a deal with our manufacturer to carry ALL their patterns instead of just a few. We still have the baskets and bread dipping add-ons, and over all, a much cleaner look.

Here's hoping for a Christmas shopping rush!

Cute Overloaded

2007-11-19T16:18:00.001-05:00

32. My favorite animal
Originally uploaded by sdpalladio.

Remember this little guy from my zoo photography expedition? I logged in to Flickr today to upload a few new pics, clicked on "latest comments," and was floored by a string of new visitors. Apparently he'd wound his way onto Cute Overload when I wasn't looking and the picture now has almost 5,000 views!

*speechless*

Here's the entry on Cute Overload. I love the title they gave it.

Welcome, internets!

Star Trek TNG Episode Guide Song

2007-11-14T23:20:00.001-05:00

Multimedia message

2007-11-04T00:10:00.001-04:00

Multimedia message
Originally uploaded by sdpalladio.

"What's that smell?"
"5 am"

Drabbles of Dune

2007-10-24T10:34:00.000-04:00

Highlights of Sandworms of Dune:

1. It had a happy ending, one that, if you are any kind of fan of Dune and/or are reading the book and have eyes, you will see coming a mile away. Well, ok, not entirely happy, but some characters were just doomed from the start of book 1, and that's just how it is, even for their clones. Others deserve happy endings and they get them, but in their own special ways.

2. If you are a fan of a certain person, as I may have mentioned that I am, you will be more than pleased with The Revelation of the Kwisatz Haderach.

3. It is a much faster read than Hunters of Dune. I finished it in 3 nights. Unfortunately that was due to most chapters reading like this: "Blahblahblah ghola blahblah Paul blahblahblah Duncan blah Oracle blahblah thinking machines blahblahblah."

4. These quotes:
When the forces are arrayed and the final battle is engaged, the outcome may be decided in only a few moments. Remember this: By the time the first shot is fired, half the battle is already over. Victory or defeat can be determined by the preparations that are set in place weeks or even months beforehand. - Bashar Miles Teg

True loyalty is an unshakeable force. The difficulty is in determining exactly where a person's allegiance lies. Often that bond is only to oneself. - Duncan Idaho

5. The worms are happy. And mutant. And there is nothing better than a mutant sandworm.

Downsides:

1. About 10 chapters worth of Captain Obvious statements.

2. Think Matrix: Revolutions. It's pretty sad when you have to rip off an ending from one of the worst sequels ever.

3. Like Sandworms, certain terms get repeated a bajillion times, thereby sucking the incredibly clever logic right out of the whole situation and making you wish that the hero would just turn evil and make it interesting again, although sadly that does not happen.

4. The movie will be just godawful, even if they do retain the previous actors from Dune and Children of Dune. The only upside is, Corrinos aren't in it, so we will not have to endure the melodrama that is Susan Sarandon.

5. The effort to create a happy ending for everyone that can possibly receive one eventually grows so utterly ridiculous it becomes hilarious. There are several people that are completely irredemable and yet manage to suddenly, at the end of the book, morph into a wonderful, modern person and share their Coke with the world and sing Kum Ba Ya. Right. Because thousands of years of evil conditioning and warped thinking can be overcome by a hug.

6. Speaking of years and happy endings and clones, without revealing too much, the idea that one person essentially raises a ghola of their previous love from infancy in order to restart the relationship later... Kind of creepy, don't you think? Brings the Oedipal complex to a whole new level.

As one blogger put it, fanfiction authors writing stories in their mothers' basements could have done a better job.

My suggestion for Book 9: Grow a ghola of Frank Herbert to write it.

Healing Scriptures, 2nd ed.

2007-10-11T12:26:00.001-04:00

Healing Scriptures, 2nd ed.

Great news! After 2 years in the production phase, Healing Scriptures has arrived in its glossy paperback format. Mom and I first put this book together 7 years ago from all the scriptures she collected on health and healing as my brother and I were growing up. The original book was in workbook format, printed at a local printer with a color copy cover, featuring a sunset photo taken here in Jacksonville. We comb-bound every book by hand and sold them at a couple very small church book stores and online at our site, HealingScriptures.com.

Soon, the comb bindings started turning--so attractive--and we ran out of copies. Reprinting them at OfficeMax, which we did several times, was hardly worth the expense. We finally decided to re-design it one last time, like a real book, and my good friend Robby Rhoden offered to do it for free.

Then life intervened, from every direction. His wife had their second child, and he struck out on his own in graphic design. Our other business demanded holiday attention. We couldn't find the right printer. The costs of reprinting were skyrocketing. Copyediting within our family of editors added months. Figuring out how to apply for an ISBN number... The list goes on. In fact, I completed the website re-design to reflect the book over a year and a half ago! In the meantime, all we had to offer our site visitors was an e-book of the old version.

Finally, things settled down and the book took shape. After requesting estimate after estimate from a few harried printers each time the page count changed, expecting to pay several thousand dollars for books that would resemble programs and have stapled spines, we stumbled on BookMasters. Not only were their prices infinitely better, but the product was exactly what we wanted--a soft-cover, bound book.

After a few more hoops, the book is here and we're so proud. Another improvement--we used to send out little black-and-white, laser-printed bookmarks, cut by hand by yours truly, with each book. Yesterday, our new Moo MiniCards arrived in 7 designs, each one of the sunset designs from our site, with a scripture on the back.

Here are all of our super vendors, to whom I'm so grateful:
Robby Rhoden
BookMasters.com
Moo.com

If you do have a small book project, BookMasters is definitely worth checking out. I'll be using them at least twice more this year for a family cookbook and for a freelance editing client who is printing a book of his poetry and prose for his 50th birthday.

Blackout

2007-10-03T12:22:00.001-04:00

Blackout

As charming as it was to clean fishtanks and sort junkmail by candle light, I'm getting a little tired of these storms...

The Siege Continues

2007-09-26T17:37:00.000-04:00

Guess what reappeared today for a second dosage of Weird Science?

We discovered they're called Atlantic Land Crabs, non-natives from the Bahamas:
Not just your average pest
And they eat plants and run amuck in the fall!

So, this crab has been to the Bahamas, and I haven't? What's up with that.

Work Makes Me Crabby

2007-09-25T17:26:00.001-04:00

Work Makes Me Crabby

So, we're sitting at our desks, working, and hear some scratching at the door. Thinking it's the crows tap tap tapping, we look up. Lo and behold, it's a large crab trying to climb up the windows.

I know it's been raining a lot and the water is rising, but that's just downright odd.

I also took a little video of him running about.

Mayo's Pond Runneth Over

2007-09-18T19:29:00.001-04:00

The before and afters from yesterday's day-long rain storm with apparently more to come in the next few days...

Normally there are at least several feet between the bridge and water, but level was up to the walkway today.

Monologuers of Dune

2007-09-17T16:16:00.001-04:00

A Woman, Her Cat, and SciFi
Originally uploaded by sdpalladio.

So, I'm torn about "Hunters of Dune." Granted, it's been 15 years since I read the Dune saga in the Driver's Ed trailer during a scorching July, so my memories are a little foggy. Something about Bene Gesserits, Paul Atreides, Alia, and The Spice Must Flow. And also the sandworms, my favorite characters. I was pretty excited to see that there were two new books out to wrap up the series, and, though I only intended to read "Sandworms" I figured I'd better read both.

Some people have complained that Brian Herbert doesn't really have the same touch as his father, Frank, though "Hunters" has much the same feel as the originals. Atmospherically, it's similar; the descriptions of the planets and the characters are consistent, familiar, and compelling. It's the more revelatory moments that are somewhat infected by DaVinci Code-itis, i.e. "monologuing."

Public Service Announcement Authors of the world: Just because Dan Brown made a bajillion dollars on a book that, minus its speaking parts, is about 3 pages long, doesn't mean you should follow suit. It was the message of DVC that everyone liked, not the elementary style. The most powerful revelations in DVC were ones not spoken. Keep that in mind.

It seems like kind of a cheat to wind up to a climactic moment, have someone pop a melange wafer and, BAM, there's the answer. If it was that easy, why didn't someone think of that before? And, in case you were a little dense and missed the fairly obvious point, there's someone to spell it out in thought, and then in voice.

It really felt like the authors were treating the readers like they were a bit slow. Not only did they include the primary explanation of who each character was as they appeared, but reminded us in case we'd forgotten from chapter to chapter. Hey! Guess what? Alia was the Abomination! And you know what else? Alia was the Abomination!

I get it already.

You know what else I got? Tleilaxu males hate women. Bene Gesserits are scared of the Kwisatz Haderach. Honored Matres are wh*res and hate men. And they like fighting. Face Dancers are sneaky. Sheanna controls worms. Gholas are clones. Duncan Idaho is obsessed with Murbella. Axlotl tanks are lobotomized women. Navigators swim in tanks of spice. Ghola children don't remember their past lives. Leto II was the God Emperor. Paul and Chani 4 Ever.

It was nice to be back in Dune, so to speak, and I look forward to reading the final book. What I missed, though, was the visions and mysticism, love, conniving, families against families, truly terrifying genetics, and the thought that Dune's readers are intelligent.

Book Club Food: There's a Slight Chance...

2007-09-12T18:16:00.000-04:00

Looks like I'm falling behind on these, but it's been a hot, uninspiring summer. Not entirely unlike our latest book, There's a (Slight) Chance I Might be Going to Hell by Laurie Notaro. We thought, hey, it's summer. Let's read a chicklit beach book since we're all running in and out of town and our newest member is getting married. It will be a lark!

Frankly, I'm not going to give the summary much time here, other than to say that the main character moves away from her friends into a tiny, "perfect" small town built on money from the sewer pipe industry and, finding that she is shunned as all newcomers are in tiny towns, decides to run for Sewer Pipe Queen with the sponsorship of a formerly worshiped but later run out of town beauty queen. You will enjoy this book if the following apply to you:

a) You are a Laurie Notaro junkie and it doesn't matter what she writes.
b) You enjoy SciFi Original movies, like Mansquito and Raptor Island featuring Lorenzo Lamas.
c) You are the kind of woman that enjoys both beauty pageants and bodily humor jokes, primarily the latter.
d) You thought the XFiles would be way better if every case revolved around fake dog poo.
e) You think being thrown into a pool is hilarious. An empty pool.
f) You sympathize with people that are, in general, unsympathetic.

My thought is, if you enjoyed a previous Notaro book, by all means, go read it again. Not that this book is entirely without merit. The middle to latter part where the main characters work towards redemption and self-discovery, solving a decades-old mystery and becoming friends is quite lovely. Unfortunately that part ends abruptly and ridiculously.

Anyway, if you are somehow still inclined to read it, here is our menu from the meeting which, as you can imagine, spent as little time discussing the book as possible if only to keep me from turning purple. The main food item mentioned in the book was a variety of organic donuts. But, we picked a theme of American Summer Food.

Our Menu
Turkey burgers (mixed with Worcestershire, Lipton's Golden Onion Mix, and parsley)
Cheese and crackers
Spinach dip and baguette
Feta cheese and Grape Tomato Salad
Corn and Black Bean Salad
Summer Berry Icebox Pie
Honey Margaritas

Furry Alarm Clock

2007-08-22T10:48:00.001-04:00

Blankie
Originally uploaded by sdpalladio.

In the "My Cat Is Weird" file, when the sun came up this morning, Lex started circling me like a shark, meowing that it was time to get up and pet him already. Skilled as I am in ignoring him, I waved him off. He, however, was not to be deterred and stomped across my pillow, picking up a lock of hair in his mouth and saying, MRPH? through his teeth.

In Soviet Russia, cat puts you on leash.

Monarchs in August

2007-08-16T17:25:00.001-04:00

My photos from this morning in musical form...

The Monarchs is Coming!

2007-08-08T18:35:00.001-04:00

Monarch Caterpillars, Final Days
Originally uploaded by sdpalladio.

Guess who showed up on the milkweed en force last week? Guess who ate the whole thing? Guess who needed 8 new plants, the last few in the city that all the other soft-hearted butterfly lovers hadn't bought for their bugs? Mhm. You know.

Click through for a few more.

It's a Grrrl

2007-07-26T11:44:00.001-04:00

Lex meets Lolly

So I go to PetSmart to get Livingston, my male betta, some more water conditioner, and oops! Look what happened...

Yes, I've adopted a female crowntail betta, Lolly. Is it my fault that they put the new bettas right under the betta supplies? Can I help it that she wiggled and danced and insisted she come home with me right away?

Clearly not.

Of course I can't have the two of them together (there's a reason they're called Siamese fighting fish) so $2.50 turned into $25 and...you know how it goes.

The boys like her. Well, to be exact, Livingston was outraged that there was this thing! this OTHER FISH! on his counter for the love of cod! "Mummah, did you see that!?! I will save you!!! ROAR!" *fluffs self up*

But, that was to be expected from a species that kills its own kind and eats its young, and, hey, why else would I put a fish by the front door if not to guard from tiny iridescent intruders. At least it gave him a break from his boredom for a few minutes before I placed them in opposite corners. And I got the added benefit of watching him prance around the rest of the night after "scaring her away", The Winnah, his flowing blue locks floofed in a particularly Bob-Marleyesque arrangement.

Then I put Lolly down on the bench to introduce her to Lex. Lex is mostly the sit-and-observe type, but after she rushed the wall, he had to get a closer look. He leaned over the top (it's screened) to check her out... and she splashed him. Then she was like, "Oh yeah?! OH YEAH?!?!?!?!" and kept threatening him every time he moved. Hilarious!

She is a feisty one.

Eventually she'll have to learn to stay still for the camera...

Moo

2007-07-20T11:42:00.001-04:00

Moo MiniCards
Originally uploaded by sdpalladio.

Have you heard of it? It's a UK company that prints mini calling cards or notecards from your photos. Just upload your pix, or log in to connect to Flickr or any number of affiliate sites, pick which ones you want to use, customize the back, and all done.

This is my set of MiniCards, a little bigger than address labels, from my Flickr photos. They come in sets of 100 for $20, with up to 100 different pictures. How cute are they?

Moo just announced a new product: stickers. I'm not a sticker person, but with free shipping for July, I'm sensing I may be ordering some notecards....

Grain of Sand

2007-07-19T17:59:00.000-04:00

You know how, when you're particularly tired, your mind gets stuck on a particular word and works it over and over and over without reason, like it just enjoys the nonsensical sound? It's like an irritant stuck in an oyster, only with the end result being your questionable sanity rather than a pearl. If only. I would be a rich woman.

Today's word: Banoffi Pie... Banoffi Pie... Banoffi Pie!

Thanks a lot, Keckler.

Fusion Ad

2007-07-12T10:59:00.001-04:00

Fusion Ad
Originally uploaded by sdpalladio.

Check out the latest email ad for Website Pros' NetObjects Fusion. Flowers photos look familiar?

Live ad can be found here.

The Rule of Slaw

2007-06-26T14:33:00.001-04:00

In keeping with the oh-so-helpful nature of my previous post, I present our next lesson for the day, courtesy of the staff cafeteria.

Dear Mayo Cafe,

I realize that you are just a food service-owned cafeteria, and may not know that there is an irrefutable law of cooking which cannot be broken. Despite your heinous crime in regards to the Grill Special™ today, I am willing to overlook this error, as long as you adhere to my tutelage.

Observe:

+ = cole slaw

Now, the sauce itself doesn't so much matter, as long as it contains some kind of oil, some kind of vinegar, and some kind of -naise. So, we will regard the sauce as a stand-in. Note that it is the sauce, not the cabbage, that is exchangeable.

Observe again:

+ ¹ coleslaw

+ ¹ coleslaw

+ ¹ coleslaw

+ ¹ coleslaw

+ ¹ coleslaw

And, finally, please note that this is also true...

+ ¹ coleslaw

In summary: Just because something is green and paired with slaw sauce, that doesn't make it cole slaw.

Love,
Sarah

Warning: Despite my assertions, Mr. Winkle may, in a future calendar, try to tell you that he is in fact Cole Slaw. Do not believe him.

Warning #2: Despite my assertions, Mohinder Suresh may, in a future episode, try to tell you that he is in fact not green. Do not believe him.

Gross Gardening Guide

2007-06-18T11:51:00.000-04:00

So I had a little revelation when I was gardening yesterday that will help illustrate a previous entry and add to the literature online immensely. Ok, now that we've got the snooty lead-in, we can get to the gross story.

We're in my parents' garden, and something smells terrible in front of the porch. We all say, "Smells like death!" Then I say, "Actually, I bet you just have a stinkhorn. I'll look around." Search...search...search... I'm looking for a little red streak hiding in the mulch. A few minutes later, I'm on the porch looking from the other side and, lo and behold, there are some little paws attached to a slighty snacked-upon squirrel (no thank you, neighbor cats!).

The fact is, it really did smell exactly like an octopus stinkhorn. And so, I have a smellerific identification guide, just for you, so that now when you step out the front door in the morning, looking forward to a good day, and get knocked flat by your own garden, you'll know what plant to yank up viciously and thank for ruining your day.

STINKHORN IDENTIFICATION GUIDE BY SMELL

Ravenel's Stinkhorn = Organic ammonia. In other words, it doesn't smell exactly like ammonia in a bottle, but if you can think of organic things that are ammonia-like (chemical bases), it's like that.

Octopus Stinkhorn, aka "Dead Man's Fingers" = Dead squirrel.

See how simple? Of course, the latter could also be a rotting philodendron seed pod, which is also incredibly gross, or...it might just be a dead squirrel. Either way, don't leave it in your garden. Or mine. This means you, cats!

/end public service announcement