Monday, June 18, 2007
Gross Gardening Guide
So I had a little revelation when I was gardening yesterday that will help illustrate a previous entry and add to the literature online immensely. Ok, now that we've got the snooty lead-in, we can get to the gross story.
We're in my parents' garden, and something smells terrible in front of the porch. We all say, "Smells like death!" Then I say, "Actually, I bet you just have a stinkhorn. I'll look around." Search...search...search... I'm looking for a little red streak hiding in the mulch. A few minutes later, I'm on the porch looking from the other side and, lo and behold, there are some little paws attached to a slighty snacked-upon squirrel (no thank you, neighbor cats!).
The fact is, it really did smell exactly like an octopus stinkhorn. And so, I have a smellerific identification guide, just for you, so that now when you step out the front door in the morning, looking forward to a good day, and get knocked flat by your own garden, you'll know what plant to yank up viciously and thank for ruining your day.
STINKHORN IDENTIFICATION GUIDE BY SMELL
Ravenel's Stinkhorn = Organic ammonia. In other words, it doesn't smell exactly like ammonia in a bottle, but if you can think of organic things that are ammonia-like (chemical bases), it's like that.
Octopus Stinkhorn, aka "Dead Man's Fingers" = Dead squirrel.
See how simple? Of course, the latter could also be a rotting philodendron seed pod, which is also incredibly gross, or...it might just be a dead squirrel. Either way, don't leave it in your garden. Or mine. This means you, cats!
/end public service announcement
We're in my parents' garden, and something smells terrible in front of the porch. We all say, "Smells like death!" Then I say, "Actually, I bet you just have a stinkhorn. I'll look around." Search...search...search... I'm looking for a little red streak hiding in the mulch. A few minutes later, I'm on the porch looking from the other side and, lo and behold, there are some little paws attached to a slighty snacked-upon squirrel (no thank you, neighbor cats!).
The fact is, it really did smell exactly like an octopus stinkhorn. And so, I have a smellerific identification guide, just for you, so that now when you step out the front door in the morning, looking forward to a good day, and get knocked flat by your own garden, you'll know what plant to yank up viciously and thank for ruining your day.
STINKHORN IDENTIFICATION GUIDE BY SMELL
Ravenel's Stinkhorn = Organic ammonia. In other words, it doesn't smell exactly like ammonia in a bottle, but if you can think of organic things that are ammonia-like (chemical bases), it's like that.
Octopus Stinkhorn, aka "Dead Man's Fingers" = Dead squirrel.
See how simple? Of course, the latter could also be a rotting philodendron seed pod, which is also incredibly gross, or...it might just be a dead squirrel. Either way, don't leave it in your garden. Or mine. This means you, cats!
/end public service announcement
Labels: garden
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