Monday, May 02, 2005
Summer Movie Preview: Bad News (Fill in Blank)
So, yesterday, I went to see the first harbinger of Summer... Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy. By way of introduction to how big this is, back in college, I used to play the Hollywood Stock Exchange, an online trading game with stocks and bonds of celebrities and upcoming movies. Just like the real Exchange, rumors made the stocks go up and down, and a stock debuted as soon as a rumor came out that the movie might ever be written.
All that to say, Hitchiker's Guide was being traded back then (*cough*1996*cough*), and I think we all kind of had high hopes for it, as you do for any Summer SciFi Blockbuster, since it could be the only good movie you see all year. If it's really good, you could delusionally think that all movies were good from May through, like, September, when the high finally wears off, especially after a movie like Independence Day. Then Fall comes and shortly thereafter you enter a turkey-induced calm until the next big movie, if you're lucky, round about Christmas (which will not feater a LOTR movie this year *sob*), carries you through til March produces a preview for the upcoming Summer SciFi Blockbuster and gets you all salivating again.
You might say Hitchiker's Guide was just a short-lived appetizer, not even half-consumed before your waiter serves up the inevitable juggernaut that is Star Wars: Just Get To Darth Vader Already And Don't You Dare Bring Back JarJar, due out this Friday. But, in my opinion, Star Wars is different from most scifi, which is white with soft, padded corners and full of contrived names like Slartibartfast. Unfortunately for ol' Slarty, they share the same audience.
All that to say, it was meh. Worth seeing on the big screen, but hard to believe it was however many years in the making. Cute, hilarious in places (though mostly in the beginning pub scene), and full of nice effects. Otherwise, it just kind of went along. The whole you-need-a-towel joke was never really explained, other than, you know, saying you need one, and Zooey Deschanel played exactly the same part as she always does. Who knew Douglas Adams could anticipate her! Anyway, nobody will see this one twice once the Jedi start dropping like flies.
But that is not my main complaint. It was the previews, which are my favorite part of any movie. I could sit in a dark theatre for an hour, just watching previews... but not these.
Let me be the first to warn you-- the summer movies, they are bad news, and not just in one sense. Allow me to illuminate:
1. Bad News Bears: literally... baseball, with trying-to-be comic misfit Billy Bob Thornton, all become heroes.
2. Rebound: Bad News Bears for basketball, with comic misfit Martin Lawrence, all become heroes.
3. Kicking & Screaming: Bad News Bears for soccer, with comic misfit Will Ferrell, all become heroes.
4. Valiant: Bad News Bears with cartoon homing pigeons, starring various comic misfits, all become heroes.
5. The Adventures of Shark Boy & Lava Girl in 3-D: essentially Spy Kids 4, misfit kid becomes hero.
6. Zathura: misfit kids play Jumanji, only in space, and become heroes .
Needless to say, I was wondering if I was in the wrong theatre or if there was some kind of horrible misunderstanding and/or Punk'd episode being filmed right there, since no one would produce 6 identical movies in one year, and where the heck was my full-length Star Wars preview?
But, no, it was no joke. Sigh... this is going to be a looooong summer, y'all.
All that to say, Hitchiker's Guide was being traded back then (*cough*1996*cough*), and I think we all kind of had high hopes for it, as you do for any Summer SciFi Blockbuster, since it could be the only good movie you see all year. If it's really good, you could delusionally think that all movies were good from May through, like, September, when the high finally wears off, especially after a movie like Independence Day. Then Fall comes and shortly thereafter you enter a turkey-induced calm until the next big movie, if you're lucky, round about Christmas (which will not feater a LOTR movie this year *sob*), carries you through til March produces a preview for the upcoming Summer SciFi Blockbuster and gets you all salivating again.
You might say Hitchiker's Guide was just a short-lived appetizer, not even half-consumed before your waiter serves up the inevitable juggernaut that is Star Wars: Just Get To Darth Vader Already And Don't You Dare Bring Back JarJar, due out this Friday. But, in my opinion, Star Wars is different from most scifi, which is white with soft, padded corners and full of contrived names like Slartibartfast. Unfortunately for ol' Slarty, they share the same audience.
All that to say, it was meh. Worth seeing on the big screen, but hard to believe it was however many years in the making. Cute, hilarious in places (though mostly in the beginning pub scene), and full of nice effects. Otherwise, it just kind of went along. The whole you-need-a-towel joke was never really explained, other than, you know, saying you need one, and Zooey Deschanel played exactly the same part as she always does. Who knew Douglas Adams could anticipate her! Anyway, nobody will see this one twice once the Jedi start dropping like flies.
But that is not my main complaint. It was the previews, which are my favorite part of any movie. I could sit in a dark theatre for an hour, just watching previews... but not these.
Let me be the first to warn you-- the summer movies, they are bad news, and not just in one sense. Allow me to illuminate:
1. Bad News Bears: literally... baseball, with trying-to-be comic misfit Billy Bob Thornton, all become heroes.
2. Rebound: Bad News Bears for basketball, with comic misfit Martin Lawrence, all become heroes.
3. Kicking & Screaming: Bad News Bears for soccer, with comic misfit Will Ferrell, all become heroes.
4. Valiant: Bad News Bears with cartoon homing pigeons, starring various comic misfits, all become heroes.
5. The Adventures of Shark Boy & Lava Girl in 3-D: essentially Spy Kids 4, misfit kid becomes hero.
6. Zathura: misfit kids play Jumanji, only in space, and become heroes .
Needless to say, I was wondering if I was in the wrong theatre or if there was some kind of horrible misunderstanding and/or Punk'd episode being filmed right there, since no one would produce 6 identical movies in one year, and where the heck was my full-length Star Wars preview?
But, no, it was no joke. Sigh... this is going to be a looooong summer, y'all.
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